“It is much more important to know what sort of a patient has a disease than what sort of a disease a patient has.” - Sir William Osler






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 Giving Thanks

Nearly a year ago, I began a personal journal. At that time my father had passed away, my mother was still alive and I was not sure where I was going or what I was doing. I left full-time practice in January of 2020 and knew I did not want to go back.

At first I made entries every day, but at this point I haven't made any for several months. Nevertheless it served its purpose. I made the decision to keep working part time; I sold my house and moved into my parents' home; I weathered the loss of my mother; I committed to moving out of state. So for now, I have a new normal. The only thing I really haven't accomplished is to start writing on a regular basis, but I no longer have any excuses. My big test is over and done with (I passed the Boards recertification, hooray!)

I am grateful for where I am and what I'm doing. Grateful for my good relationship with my siblings and their families. Glad that I've made the effort to see my friends more often and that I have the time to help them when they need it.

I'm even grateful for that cat. Gazebo still won't come near me but seems to be slightly more at ease with my presence, and I feel good that I've been able to make his/her/its life easier. And I want to end this post with my holiday advice to you all: Sharpen your knives. 

No, really. The kitchen knives here were the dullest things you've ever tried to work with. Finally I found a sharpener, got them taken care of, and now kitchen prep work is so much easier! It's made a huge difference and I am more inclined to cook now that I don't have to wrestle with trying to chop vegetables. This will, as they say, change your life. 

Happy Thanksgiving and Advent.

Labels: Changes, Holidays, Random Thoughts

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"I Need You to Take This Fish," 

...said my brother as we drove to the Pittsburgh airport. It was early November and we had traveled to our father's home town in Pennsylvania to give him the funeral he wanted. His ashes (to be precise, half of them; we still have the other half) had been interred in his parents' grave. The trip gave us a chance to spend time with my father's older sister and our cousins. Our aunt is the only one of the three siblings still alive; thankfully she is still completely alert and was very happy to see us. One of our cousins, a real outdoors type, gave John some frozen fish he had caught for the trip back across the country.

"It'll be fine!" he had said cheerily. "I have an insulated bag for it, just pack it in your suitcase." Not without misgivings, my brother had accepted the gift. But now we were running late and my brother had just remembered, first, that he only had a carry-on bag with him; and second, that he wasn't going directly home but to a sports function for his son.

So guess who got stuck with a bag of frozen fish in her suitcase? But time was short and we had no choice, so into my luggage it went. I had visions of ruined clothing all the way back to Los Angeles. But luck was with me; the early morning Pittsburgh temperatures were below freezing and I changed planes in Denver (pretty cold there as well). When I landed at LAX it was a cool, foggy day. As I stood in the rideshare line, my brother texted me: "How's the fish?"

"Not home yet," I responded tersely. As soon as I made it home I hauled my bag into the dining room, put it up on the table and began digging through it. To my relief it was still frozen solid. I don't know who manufactures that insulated bag, but I need to get one. 

The fish was stored in my freezer for a few weeks, at which point it resumed its journey to my parents' house for Thanksgiving. My brother and his family took it home with them after the holiday. 

And that is my epic fish story. 

Labels: Family, Holidays, Loss

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 Ash Wednesday 

I started Lent this year with a more introspective mindset than usual, what with my aunt on hospice and my elderly parents being themselves. (Deaf, stubborn, won't wear their hearing aids, a little confused.)  On Wednesday I had to go into the city in the hope of getting my first COVID vaccine at the hospital - most of my co-workers have completed it already but I was delayed due to contracting COVID in early January, though I feel fine now. 

It was indeed a fine and appropriate Ash Wednesday. The humbling process started early, as my staff ID was rejected when I tried to pull into the hospital parking lot (I had not been there in months, so it had been deactivated). The ID problem duly fixed, I wandered into the building and found the walk-in line for the vaccination. I was issued a ticket and a sticker marked 2/17 (for that day's batch of vaccine), answered questions regarding symptoms (none, thank you) and while in line passed a table stacked with envelopes of ashes for application. I helped myself to one, curious to see how the do-it-yourself penance kit would work. Stood in line for a while and eventually made it to the front, handed in my ticket and sat down with a friendly nurse to answer more questions and read through the information provided (we are using the Pfizer vaccine). The injection was painless; I sat and read my Kindle for the required 15 minute observation period and then left. My next injection is in three weeks and I have an appointment. It's a relief to finally get this done. 

Later that day at home I sat in my room and opened the envelope. It contained a cotton swab with a dab of ashes on it and a slip of paper with a two-sentence reading. I focused on "Dust you are, and to dust you shall return" - thinking of my aunt - and applied the ashes. 

Hopefully this year I will be more focused on Lent than I have been the last few years. As for Easter... we don't know whether my aunt will still be with us then or not. The good news is that the outreach of love and support from her friends has been nothing short of uplifting; come what may, I know I will hold these memories on Easter Sunday.

Labels: Holidays, Medicine, The Doctor's Life

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In Praise of Five and Dimes

It's the holiday season, which for many of us in the workforce means it's Secret Santa time. Most offices have a self-appointed Holiday Fun Organizer, and my office is no exception. I use the term without snark, as I am grateful to these people; if I were in charge of holiday decorating and activities, nothing would ever get done.

You know the drill with Secret Santa. There are variations but basically you draw names out of a hat and gift the person with a few nice things. (If the organizer is organized, so to speak, you are also provided with a list of gift preferences written by your victim giftee.) You hope that karma operates equally and that you will get something you actually want, while trying to provide the same to the person whose name you drew.

But while I enjoy this tradition, it does add yet more errands to my ever growing list. Where do you go that's quick, convenient and hopefully one-stop shopping  to get these items? How do you find something useful, inexpensive, tasty, sparkly... if you're really lucky, all of the above in one single gift? Why, the stores that used to be known as five and dimes. In the States, Woolworth's and Newberry's were good examples of such stores. The term comes from the fact that many items in these stores could be bought for five or ten cents. The old chains no longer exist for the most part, but similar stores exist and are now known as dollar stores. Drug stores carry many of the same items.

In the past week I've hit a few of these stores and come away newly impressed. Their virtues are many and they're extremely popular: Their parking lots were jammed. What did I see there: Kids' toys, wrapping paper and decorations, food (I found a kale salad at one). Candy, lots of it. Candy canes (does anyone even eat these?), storage items including the disposable food storage containers I had been looking for all week, cleaning supplies, ornaments... you name it. My favorite were the near-generic cookies labeled "Break Time" distributed by a bakery I had never heard of. Need a carb to go with your work caffeine? A Break Time cookie will do the job.

Inside the dollar store you'll see families, lots of them, doing their excited holiday shopping. You'll hear many different languages. I'm reasonably certain that I was the only native English speaker in my checkout line, and I was truly amazed to hear Russian and Chinese as well as Spanish. I was part of the gotta-get-ready-for-the-holidays rush and I enjoyed it.

Some folk may dream of the Lexus in the driveway come December 25. The rest of us shop at the dollar store. I'm happy to be among them.

Labels: Holidays, Los Angeles

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