Wednesday, August 03, 2005
... so y'all are probably wondering why I haven't been posting.
Or maybe not.
Suffice to say that I've been having a crise de coeur (sounds so much better than "midlife crisis," doesn't it). Funny thing is, when I turned forty it really wasn't that big a deal. I was too busy to notice. But in the last two years, I have lost friends to suicide and cancer; my brother got married, and in fact he and his wife have just had a baby (which is wonderful, but hit me with a bit of a thud as I am still single); and I realized I had bitten off more than I could chew in my work when I took on extra duties to pay for the Renovation Project. Plus, one of my emotional mainstays - my church - has become more of a rope bridge with multiple planks missing than a place of rest and renewal. Also, I couldn't help noticing how many of my fellow bloggers are dealing with challenging situations or in fact have embraced change gracefully - as opposed to me. If you viewed me as sitting in an armchair with my feet up scarfing Cheetos for the last year you would not be too far off. I should be doing better than that but I can't seem to summon up the strength to contemplate change.
I lost it at work a few weeks ago, and was taken in hand by my medical director. (I don't mean that I was screaming at a patient, rather, I was crying uncontrollably.) She got me some help, and I'm doing better now. Just to reassure at least one of you, no, I am not rifling through the medicine cabinet for the cyanide pellets. I am, in fact, hanging out with my neighbor quite a bit. She decided that we should devote ourselves to doing something fun or challenging every weekend, and it seems to be helping. I will share a bit of this with you soon. Just wanted to let you know what was going on, and to let you know that I have not given up blogging.
P.S. Going on vacation, will be back next week.