Picking Up the Pieces

"Well, somebody's got to rebuild Rio!"

I doubt more than a handful of people will recognize that quote, let alone find it amusing, but it perfectly expresses how I feel. My final challenge for the year has been met. I took my Boards test three days ago, and now... what? 

2022 has been nothing but a series of hurdles, with just enough space between them to catch my breath.  It began with my mother's decline and death, quickly followed by my decision to sell my house and move out of Los Angeles. Then came arranging her memorial service while juggling the move, followed by a midsummer trip to Europe (I had booked this two years earlier and could not cancel it), and then studying for this test. All year I've been saying to myself: You just have to get through the next thing. And: Just wait till that test is over with and I can start unpacking! 

Strangely, I now find myself with no desire to unpack. Or to do much of anything, really, except make lists. Big, ambitious lists. I have made a couple of large decisions without too much trouble... I am not going back to work full time but will continue with my part time schedule. I have made a down payment on a condominium in Florida, though the project has not yet broken ground - it looks as though I will be moving in two or three years. But it is the day-to-day decisions that are the difficult ones. Namely, where to start cleaning and organizing? In the kitchen? Master bedroom? My bedroom? Should I be working toward a garage sale, or try to donate everything, or look into selling on eBay? I don't really want to think about any of it. 

Perhaps scheduling my days would help. So many hours per day cleaning and organizing, so many hours per day working on paperwork. None of it sounds like much fun. I did start cleaning out my mother's desk today and made a dentist's appointment, so that is something accomplished at any rate. And I am trying to spend more time with my friends. I am coming to realize, though, that I have been too busy to come to terms with the losses of my parents and aunt; it's catching up with me now, as I am constantly finding little things that belonged to them which keep bringing me to tears.

Exercise helps. And I think I need to go back to church, as I have not been regularly in years. Perhaps plan another trip for next year? Something that is a challenge. I will keep cleaning, contemplating my options, and working on rebuilding Rio.  

Note: Drive-In is a fun, silly comedy from 1976 set in a small Texas town, at (yes) the local drive-in movie theater. I do recommend it if you can find it. [Update: Hey, it's available on YouTube! Maybe I'll watch it tonight!] The parody disaster movie playing at the drive-in is a lot of fun, if you remember the disaster movies that were all the rage during the 70's. 

Labels: Changes, Loss, Memories, Random Thoughts